***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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