So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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