And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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