Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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