omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
