i was born a porn star she said
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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