My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
