Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
