I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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