My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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