He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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