I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
