I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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