the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
