I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
