Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
