dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
