6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
