I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
