The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
