she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
