Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
