You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
