The police scanner is talking about you again....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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