Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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