This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
