I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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