yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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