Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
