I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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