I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
