ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
