What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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