Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
