You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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