What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
