That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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