u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
