Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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