all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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