I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
