Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
