Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
