After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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