Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
