i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
