just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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