oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
