I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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