I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
