i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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