There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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