Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
